The Epic Return

And I'm back! I know. World's worst blogger. I took a hiatus because life was just too darn full too sit down. It's the cusp of March and the last time I blogged was August.

My world is about to turn pear-shaped. Time ticks by despite our best intentions.

The most interesting part of these last few months ended 10 days ago. I met a young, single man here in MarriedMecca. Probably the last unattached male in this area code. And the way we met is unconventional (like me) and he was tall with a barrel chest and a deep belly-laugh. I think he liked me very much because he told me as much. He was good company for many reasons. It's unusual to find someone that you can sit and talk too for long stretches and you glance at the clock and realize it's so late and how did that happen? 

And in very quick moments he would look at me and tell me how lucky he felt that he had found me. I like those memories and those are the things I will keep close. I'm far too young to be bitter. 

Bitterness is dangerous. It makes the heart grow cold. It starts like a cancer cell and grows many layers below the flesh until it blossoms. 

Then all hope is lost and you've lost the most important part of yourself. The heart.   

The Glory of Whole Foods

I never see hot guys in MarriedMecca unless I am at Whole Foods. Or maybe I should rephrase that statement. I never see MY type of hot guys except at Whole Foods; For example, tattooed-bike-riding-hipsters. I always look hot when I go to Whole Foods because all the cashiers are adorable. One of these days, I WILL get the courage to hit on one or all of them.


Beef&Veg Soup for Hipster Boys

1 box Swanson Beef Broth 
1 bag mixed frozen veggies
2 quartered and peeled potatoes
1 lb ground beef
1 tb basil
 3 cranks of crushed peppa
4 crushed beef bouillon cubes
Jane's Krazy seasoning to taste. (or salt) 
splash of Half&Half
1 c. water
2 tb Worchestire sauce

1. Brown your ground beef in a pan. Drain fat off.
2. Combine everything in a large soup pot except the Half&Half and Krazy Seasoning. Bring to a boil than simmer for 45 minutes. Add the Half&Half the last 10 minutes of cooking as well as the Krazy seasoning.

**To make healthier, leave out the creamer and butter. Easily feeds six people. Or Eight skinny hipsters.  

  

Tough Stuff

My grandfather is dying. The act of death is a grotesque action to witness. I feel sad, but not for the reasons one would expect. The worst part of death is the people it leaves behind. My grandmother doesn't know what to do without her best friend, someone she's known since she was fifteen. She faithfully sits next to his bed and watches every shaky breath, terrified that if she closes her eyes he'll disappear.

I pray that he dies soon. I don't like watching him or the shell that's left behind. I believe his spirit left a while ago. My grandmother told him he can leave when he wants too, but he's stubbornly hanging on. He was always a finicky man, even in his last days. When I was little, I would go over to their house. For  dessert we had Klondikes. Grandpa would quietly eat his icecream, meticulously scaping at the wrapper. After he would fold the square wrapper into the tiniest scrap.

Bloggin Lovin

I'm not an avid blogger or blog reader. However, if I find something I like, I become a fairly faithful follower (say that 5 times fast).

http://rabbitfoodformybunnyteeth.com/

Super adorbs girl who lives. eats. sleeps healthy living without being pushy or obnoxious. 

Summer Sweets!

I love sweets. However, too many sweets will get you in trouble with your swimwear. I was sitting around the house after dinner yesterday and needed just a little something. I scoured the kitchen and came up with whatever was laying around.

Ingredients

French Bread loaf

Cinnamon&Sugar mix (just add cinnamon and sugar in a small dish)

1 c. Strawberries 

2 T. Cream

1. Heat butter in a large pan. 

2. When the pan is hot, cut two, thin slices from the French loaf. Put that in the pan. Let brown. Flip slices.

3. Sprinkle cinnamon&sugar mix. Brown and Flip. Sprinkle again. Remove from pan when bread is crispy and brown. Your kitchen should smell like Heaven. Place slices on cooking rack. 

4. Dice fresh strawberries, dice French slices. Combine in serving dish.

5. Add your cream. I may of added more than 2 tablespoons. Hit with more cinnamon and sugar.

Simple and delicious. 

  

Trouble Been Doggin' My Soul

Hurray for summer and all of it's lazy delights.


 I spent a week in Peru and have returned with a layer of bug bites and sun coated on my skin. My trip was a volunteer mission trip + a day of tourism. I learned a few things.


1. Poverty sucks. This statement is obvious and downplays the seriousness of the conditions I witnessed. 
2. People are good. The individuals encountered were full of good spirit and light despite how little they possessed.
3. I am spoiled. There were moments where I thought to myself, "Thank God I don't live here." Then I became ashamed and embarrassed, guilty that I felt this way. I've always wanted to live abroad, but living in poverty abroad is an entirely different experience.
4. I want to see more of the world. 


 Now I'm back in the states and need a way to spend my time. I like the relaxation, but with nothing to do my mind tends to wander. I think of things to worry about and that's not good for the soul. I'm thinking a trip to the local library is in order and the starting of numerous art projects in necessary. 

   

I Am Set Free.

It's about to begin! The most epic summer of my short life! 

Do You have the Power to not Smile?

I did NOT feel like working out today, but I hadn't sweated in a week-ish and knew it was necessary. Hitherto, I put on bright red lipstick and went for a run. Who says running can't also be fashion forward?

Listen Up.

Hi'Ya Neighbor!

The girl I share a wall with is not home often. When she is home, she blasts loud Showtunes and stomps around like she's wearing combat boots. I have told her twice to turn down her music. The woman downstairs has asked her nicely too. I'm starting to think she either has a hearing aid that prevents her from enjoying music at a normal level or that I am going to have to get nasty. I have banged on our shared wall with a stiletto. The sound quickly abated. However, further steps may need to be taken. Here's what I have thought of:

 Dear Amber,

   If you do not stop playing your awful iTune Playlists, I will rub my bare ass on your front door.

      xoxo,

       Me.    

No Shame Salty Yumm Yumm

Look at these! They are Sensible Portion Garden Veggie Straws. You can pretty much buy them everywhere, but you can buy the jumbo bag at Costco or Sam's Club. I know that if I buy potatoe chips, I will eat an entire bag in one sitting and spend the rest of my night curled into a heap of self-pity. However, if I buy a bag of these I don't feel awful for going overboard. You get 38 straws for 130 calories; 7 grams of fat; 120 grams of sodium and zero perservatives. The sea salt-flavored ones are my favorite.

Chicken Salad Deliciousness

Chicken salad is probably one of the most delicious foods that can be made in less than 15 minutes. It's super simple and only gets better the longer it merries. It's also one of those items that can be adapted for calories.

 Ingrediants

2 c. Chicken meat (I buy a precooked chicken from the Deli)
1 c. Craisens
1/4 c. walnut pieces
3/4 diced green apple
2 c. prediced carrots
3 T. brown sugar
1 T. White vinegar
1/2 c. Olive Oil Kraft Mayo

1. Whisk up the mayo, vinegar, and brown sugar.

2. Mix together all the foodie bits. I guessed the measurements that I used. I mostly just threw stuff in a bowl till it looked yummy.

3. Combine your whisk mix into the bowl with all the foodie bits. Stir till it's throughly mixed. For a less "wet" salad, use less Mayo, but really I didn't use that much Mayo to start with.

4. Gobble on crackers or some other type of carb item: Bagel. Bread slice. Stale Crouton.  

Tears and Tears

 I believe there are certain things that are instrictly good for the soul: rich foods, lively music, holding hands, abundant dancing, and crying. There is something refreshing about a good cry. I think it cleanses and renews the spirit. I haven't cried since...Halloween? Yes, Halloween when some idiot broke a piece of my furniture. 

Shake it Baby

So after I sweat out a million calories, I usually want a cheeseburger with bacon, lettuce, tomatoe, and enough condiments to sink a canoe. However, I try to make a protein shake and imagine it's a chocolate milkshake. This recipe works pretty well and it takes zero effort.

Ingrediants

- Half a frozen banana
- 2 scoops Muscle Milk chocolate powder
- 1 cup dark chocolate almond milk (dairy hurts me)
- 1 tablespoon dark chocolate peanut butter
- lots of ice

 Throw everything into a blend and churn until ice is grated. I like mine thick and heavy. It fills me up and makes me feel like I've cheated the calorie gods.



Kentucky Travels

This weekend I did the makeup for a university friend for her wedding. Between me and V, we churned out 5 girls with made-up faces and teased-up hair. The night before I drove up to stay with V. We ate these giant burgers that made us both sick and spent the evening laughing about life and boys and the future. V is probably my smartest friend and I'm always impressed by our conversations. I really want V to move down here to complete her Masters/PhD/Rule the World, but the jury is still out on this.

Anyway, we go to this wedding. We eat. We dance. We collapse at midnight. I was so excited to be a part of the event because:

a) I got lots of free cake.
b) I got to see one of my friends get married.
c) The uncle of the bride told me about meeting the Queen of England.

Strawberry Pie and Reflection

 What a full weekend it's been. Yesterday morning I had a breakfast date with a coworker and in the evening a girl from church called for a sushi date. Both conversations were so much fun and very encouraging. It's been really important to me to make connections in MarriedMecca and both women are uber entertaining. It's also nice that I'm getting past the boring Small Talk that you're obligated to do when making a new friend. I HATE that portion of conversations.You might as well ask someone how their nailbeds are doing or which toothpaste they like. Yawn. 


 Church today was great. I have really enjoyed the pastor's sermons and I actually become sad if I can't make church on a given Sunday. Today's message was about Exodus and not bending the Bible to fit your lifestyle. I don't think I do this (often), but it was insightful and humorous and I thought of a person I wanted to share it with, but I'm worried I'll be accused of hypocrisy. 


 I'm also warring a battle against this damn strawberry pie I'm suppose to be making for a church brunch. I can't stop burning the pie tins! It has the directions ON THE BOX and I've destroyed 2 of them. Who does that??? 

This is not rando- Beehive!

***Laying on my porch in the sunshine with the blue sky above; Reading Harry Potter and the Prisoner of AzkaBOOM for the hundredth time. Lupin is such a hottie.  

Pet Peeve: When people post EVERYTHING they eat on Facebook. Gurl please, ain't nobody wanna see that you ate crusty pudding and a Starbucks for Lunch. And we really don't want to see your janky noodle and tuna dish that look like it came out of a middle school cafeteria served up by the creeper lady from Matilda.

 Yes, I am aware my pet peeve contains urban jargon and improper grammer.

Low Calorie Rash!

Okay so I love food. Hence why I am 30 pounds overweight and not a size 4. But in my new food resolution, I am trying to find healthy alternatives to the fatty foods I crave. 

Snack time. One wedge of Laughing Cow Cinnamon CreamCheese spread is only like 45 calories. If you smother this stuff on a bunch of strawberries it's delicious and satisfies a sweet tooth. It tastes a little like a strawberry cheesecake bite if you use your imagination.

Let's All Cry Together

 My break is going just swimmingly for those interested. For a few days it was stressful because me and the Diva were talking about me getting a new car. Car payments = Imprisonment. 


Let's talk about the summer! I can't even express the level of joy I have when thinking about the summer. First, I am going to Peru for 10 days of mission work. Yes, my Wanderlust is finally being appeased! Then, I am going to a warm place with the most delightful girlfriends for sand and ocean water and impromptu photo shoots. Last, I am taking place in a wedding that will most likely be akin to the Royal Wedding but without fancy hats. Geez summer. Get here ASAP.


Now that I live on my own, my fear of money has increased tenfold. I never use to worry about my finances until I realized I am responsible for myself. It's so terrifying that sometimes I'll look at my bank account statement just to be sure there's something there. The whole money phobia is silly because I am smart with my earnings and do not exceed my living needs. I'm not sure where the paranoia comes from but I'll be overwhelmed with these images of me living on the streets and being hunted down by a beefy bill collector named Buck. Maybe I should give up coffee for a while. Sometimes my imagination makes pretending to be normal very hard. 

DILFs

This weekend I have been having a grand ol' pity party for myself. I don't know if it's a full moon or just random girl hormone crazies. My new city is FULL of married couples. In fact, from now on in this blog I will refer to my current city as MarriedMecca. Maybe I've just been watching too much Say Yes to the Dress on TLC. I despise that show and yet I've watched no less than ten episodes. It's not that I want to be married. I have yet to meet someone I could stand to marry and picture myself happy. However, I do desire companionship. I found a website today where you can become Penpals with an inmate. YES!

You know what's worse than MarriedMecca? All the hot dads running around this town. It's RIDIC. Some foxy father was fitting me with new running shoes and I'm just thinking, WHY IS THE UNIVERSE AGAINST ME? Now I'm just being dramatic, but still! Hot Dad Central.