The Epic Return

And I'm back! I know. World's worst blogger. I took a hiatus because life was just too darn full too sit down. It's the cusp of March and the last time I blogged was August.

My world is about to turn pear-shaped. Time ticks by despite our best intentions.

The most interesting part of these last few months ended 10 days ago. I met a young, single man here in MarriedMecca. Probably the last unattached male in this area code. And the way we met is unconventional (like me) and he was tall with a barrel chest and a deep belly-laugh. I think he liked me very much because he told me as much. He was good company for many reasons. It's unusual to find someone that you can sit and talk too for long stretches and you glance at the clock and realize it's so late and how did that happen? 

And in very quick moments he would look at me and tell me how lucky he felt that he had found me. I like those memories and those are the things I will keep close. I'm far too young to be bitter. 

Bitterness is dangerous. It makes the heart grow cold. It starts like a cancer cell and grows many layers below the flesh until it blossoms. 

Then all hope is lost and you've lost the most important part of yourself. The heart.   

Exit the Crazy Train

 I do not mind being alone if the alternative is being connected to someone who is bad for me. I would like to think that no one is a regret, but that each person we are linked to presents us with experiences in which we learn something about ourselves. I think, above all else, I miss the companionship. It's a luxary to have a someone who will wrestle your couch up two flights of stairs or eat Sushi with you while watching Netflix; a person to think about when you should be thinking about work; and a partner in crime when ordering Ethnic food. However, if the dark spots outshine the light, than one of the parties must say, "Exiting now". The only mistake I believe I made was not being the one to say that and that I didn't say it sooner. Because, if two people are not meant to be, than what's the point of dragging each other through the mud for one second longer than necessary? It is better to break apart and dash away from the other as fast as your feet can carry you and to not dare look back less you become a pillar of salt.

Futhermore, my sister, who is a sage despite being barely 21 years of age, called me today. We were exchanging our woes with the opposite sex. She says, "My life is complete. I have good friends and God, everything else is a bonus." Talk about knocking me on my ass with her wisdom.    



It's true.

This music video made me tear up. I don't know what's wrong with me.

True That.

This weekend has been a nice break from all things related to reality. I got to see one of my best friends and ate homemade onion soup. It was superb and I dare say I ate enough to feed a small country. Together we saw part II of the Deathly Hallows. I totally teared up when Dobby died even though I knew it was coming. I probably would have sobbed had I not been in a public setting. Yesterday I went to a Bridal convention with my newly engaged cousin. Then for dinner me and the fam ate at this little place down on the river. Besides the scorching heat, a perfectly perfect time. 


Earlier this weekend, I had an interesting conversation with a friend. It makes me look at what it means to be a true friend. I question some of my friendships and the sincerity of them. It seems like my generation in particular struggles with the ability to develop close, meaningful connections. 


"A friend is someone you can vent to and you know it won't go any further. A friend is someone you can hang out with and never share a cross word. A friend is someone who, with a reasonable explanation, would help you bury a dead body." - My father.

Bare.

Life is about loving simple things. What could be more simple than skinny dipping? I love it. We have a fenced in pool and late at night, shrouded in total darkness, I can be found in my birthday suit smoking a cigarette. Some people are totally horrified by this and I point out that everyone is naked under their bathing costumes. I recommend skinny dipping to everyone if you want to live a full life.

Mrs. X

Another wedding. Another great time. I like going to weddings but I don't get emotional about them. It's happy, why cry?


Anyway, it has me thinking about the future. And I'm so excited to find someone to love. Not in that crazy way that some girls get themselves into. Not like the frantic, worrying, I must find a mate this month sort of way. I just see the happiness my friends have and get excited about maybe having something like that someday. 

 

Jason, we need more coffee

This weekend I visit my grandparents for my grandmother's 80th birthday. Her four children + one granddaughter (Moi) surprised her at this B&B near their house. Usually family gatherings make me nervous and grouchy because everyone uses yelling and broad hand gestures as a form of communication. However, this event was particularly enjoyable. My aunt and uncle invited me to move to North Carolina to pursue job leads down there. I like this idea. 

Furthermore, my granddad was able to see his children without the loud noises of a restaurant. My granddad used to be a brilliant engineer, essentially you can thank him for inventing the seatbelts in your car. Dementia has whittled away at his brain the last six years and now he can't remember anything from the past or present. Sometimes he looks like his old self and says non-crazy things. I was looking at old photos of him and very much wanted the man in the pictures back.

Pants are Always Optional.

The last two days have been very productive. I inquired to three more school districts about subbing. I took in some final paperwork to my local school system. I also managed to devour an entire avocado by myself. I am successful!

Let's talk about love. I have three friends getting married this summer. Last summer I had two friends get hitched. I think taking the leap into marriage is wonderful if you're prepared for it. However, I don't think many people are. I think couples focus on the wedding more so than the big picture. The big picture means forever. Everyone gets a different love story. Sometimes they end well and sometimes they don't. Since mine has yet to begin, I would like to think it's going to be filled with a handsome, broad shouldered, foreigner. Daydreaming. But I would also settle for something else.[See Below] 

Found at: http://justonemoregoodbye.tumblr.com/

One Day You Will Be Loved

I like music. I'm fairly certain everyone does. I know a married couple who, before they puts rings on each other, made playlists for each other. Tons and tons of CD's full of lovely, bold, crafty tunes. One day I would like to have someone to give a playlist too. Because alot of times you don't have the right words to tell someone how they make you feel. Sometimes those words get stuck in our throats or our tongues swell up as we try to say them outloud.  

A Special Playlist for You-Who-Is-Not Known

1. I and Love and You by The Avett Brothers
2. Cosmic Love by Florence+ The Machine
3. Swept Away by The Avett Brothers
4. Better than Nothing by Sarah Jaffe
5. Winter Winds by Mumford and Sons
6. Make You Feel My Love by Adele
7. Enchanted by Taylor Swift
8. The Girl by City and Colour
9. Save Me From Myself by Christina Aguilera
10. Blinded by Third Eye Blind


To Be Continued...