I do not mind being alone if the alternative is being connected to someone who is bad for me. I would like to think that no one is a regret, but that each person we are linked to presents us with experiences in which we learn something about ourselves. I think, above all else, I miss the companionship. It's a luxary to have a someone who will wrestle your couch up two flights of stairs or eat Sushi with you while watching Netflix; a person to think about when you should be thinking about work; and a partner in crime when ordering Ethnic food. However, if the dark spots outshine the light, than one of the parties must say, "Exiting now". The only mistake I believe I made was not being the one to say that and that I didn't say it sooner. Because, if two people are not meant to be, than what's the point of dragging each other through the mud for one second longer than necessary? It is better to break apart and dash away from the other as fast as your feet can carry you and to not dare look back less you become a pillar of salt.
Futhermore, my sister, who is a sage despite being barely 21 years of age, called me today. We were exchanging our woes with the opposite sex. She says, "My life is complete. I have good friends and God, everything else is a bonus." Talk about knocking me on my ass with her wisdom.
I have a final interview on Tuesday with the only school that has given me the time of day since I sent out resumes. It will be a faculty interview with four other members who work for this particular school.
I really want this.
I also really want to trust God with this decision. That is a little tricky. I have a phobia that God hates me. I've never done anything worth being hated for, but it's a childhood fear that continues to manifest itself in my adult life. I perceive God has this giant man siting in the sky waiting to step on me. It's a totally unrealistic fear that should probably be addressed by a therapist or religious life coach. It's very difficult to trust in a being you believe wants to smite you.
That being said, I guess that's why I'm more of a realist than my friends care for; A glass half empty type of person, which is entirely awful since I despise individuals like that. I told myself that I would start memorizing scripture that would repel this type of thinking. Let's see if I can find one...
Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
Perfect.
