Maybe you should try acting like an adult.

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other.  Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.  ~Katharine Hepburn

Blessings and more Blessings

The Palest African American

Yesterday I had the lovely honor of being invited to a new friend's family dinner. Now, my family gatherings are small. There are usually about eight of us. I go to this family dinner and there are twenty-two people + four friends + two very large women and a small child who may have actually been a dog. And everyone is laughing and yelling and joking the whole time. I ate more food than I care to admit and was, at times, overwhelmed. I'd compare it to a very safe rave, minus the glowsticks. I played Catchphrase and laughed. It was a good experience.


In three days I get to go home. I am very excited because I miss my family and my friends. I have a large group of friends back home. We mostly bitch and complain about each other, but deep down we love our little group. Way, way deep down. I'm so happy because friends that have also moved away will be back in town and I plan on seeing all their faces and hugging them for a very long time (so long it may seem awkward). I love the holidays. I love wearing holiday-appropriate makeup and Christmas music (Nat King Cole is essential) and cussing out drivers near the mall. I love everything about it. 

It's true.

This music video made me tear up. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Quotable Quotes

Some of your hurts you have cured,
And the sharpest you still have survived,
But what torments of grief you endured
From the evil which never arrived.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Cranberry Sauce Should Never Come from a Can.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving here in the States. It's a holiday commonly associated with turkeys and overeating. It's suppose to be a day of counting your blessings, but with the rise of consumerism, sometimes that message gets lost in all the advertisements for Black Friday (google it).


I love Thanksgiving because I see my family. It's cheesy, but I love it. Every Thanksgiving is essentially the same. We load up the car and haul over to my cousin's house. Her mom makes a salad while my uncle critiques the cooking process from the living room couch, beer in hand. My dad slaves over the oven for hours and only answers direct questions related to food or football. My hormonal teenage cousin ignores all of us and texts on her cellphone. I socialize with everyone and create a plan on how to avoid eating too much (plan fails every year). My sister can be found eyeing the clock every five minutes, counting down the time till we leave. My mother flits around the house documenting each moment with her camera and forces anyone breathing to smile and "ACT HAPPY!". My older cousin will not make an appearance till she  has her makeup on and has been warned that the food is hitting the table in 5 minutes whether she's wearing mascara or not. We sit and eat and talk. Later we fight over leftovers since both my twiggy cousins can out-eat grown men. And that is why I love this Holiday. It's not glamorous or chic or exciting, it's just my family. 

The Body is Not a Cold Dead Place

 Sometimes when I get stressed or just need a second to myself, I close my eyes and go to the blue room. It's this silly coping exercise I learned when I was younger, but sometimes it still makes me feel good when I'm having a moment. I close my eyes. My happy place is a little room that has one window that overlooks a European city. I'm not sure where, but the street below that window is cobblestone and little houses run up and down the street. People walk along the pavement and a boy on a bicycle passes. The walls in my room are jazz blue and there's bookshelves along the left and right walls. There's also a beat up couch and a desk that I sit at. The room's door is across from the door that leads to the kitchen. Our kitchen has black and white tile and there is always a dark haired man making me a cup of coffee in there. I watch the city below and eventually a dark haired toddler comes and sits on my lap. We watch the city together and I point out interesting things. It peaces me out, this totally made up scenario. Maybe one day it will be true.

Bobblehead.

I'm not dead! After a long hiatis from blogging, I have returned. In the last three months I moved to a new state, started a new job, and moved into a new apartment. It's been alot of change. Looking back at older posts, it's hard to know how much my life has changed in a short amount of time. I live seven hours away from all my friends and my parents. I wake up at 5:30 every morning and go to bed around the same time as the elderly. I wonder sometimes if I did the right thing or if I made a mistake. Somedays I hate the choice I made when I hear from friends who still live close to one another. I hate that I'm missing out on their lives. I don't like the fact that I don't have any friends (save 2) in this city. I spend my evening by myself alot or I call up a coworker who for whatever reason enjoys spending time together. I want things on my walls and I want pictures in places to remind me of all the people I love. I think the water is giving me acne (or it's the stress of my job). But I like my job. I have no idea if I'll be here in the Fall or if I should try to move back home or if I should just move to China.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING.

 But hey, that's the beauty of being 23

Now Hear This!

Someone in Germany loves Me (Kinda).

I love looking at my blogstats and seeing who looks at my blog. I'm not all that popular, but it still makes me happy to see that someone pays attention to this little ditty of a journal. 

  

And in the Spring, I shed my skin.

Okay, so the teaching job market in America is in the proverbial toilet. So this year I'm going to start researching teaching opportunities overseas for the Spring. I'm smart, funny, personable, and a damn good educator. I'm going to buy a book recommended by someone who did it. Then I'll go from there. I want to travel more than anything. I like culture and I like new experiences. I like the idea of going somewhere and being the minority. I'm going to do this. It's going to happen and this time next year hopefully I will be writing from somewhere not in the U.S.    

[Listening to Florence and the Machine. "Rabbit Heart (Raise it Up!) 

Bruschetta for the Cooking-Disabled

Since it's been hot as Hell recently, I've been eating a lot of bruschetta. It's 100% delicious and pretty cheap to make. Plus, it makes you look like you know how to cook so you can impress your friends. Now read this! 

Ingredients

4 large, ripe tomatoes

1/2 red onion

6-8 basil leaves

1/2 block of cream cheese

pinches of salt and pepper

1 baguette loaf

Olive oil

1 large bowl and a wooden spoon 

1. Dice tomatoes. You'll have to remove the seeds under some running water. Throw all this goodness in a large mixing bowl.

2. After removing the outside skin, dice your red onion. Wear swimming goggles to protect your eyes. Add to your tomatoes. 

3. Stack your basil leaves on top of each other. Roll leaves into a tiny burrito. Cut the burrito long ways THEN finely dice. Some people like more basil than others. It's up to you. Add to bowl. 

4. Drizzle this yumfest with some quality olive oil. You're not drowning it, you just want enough OO to coat all the tasty stuff. For our OCD cooks, let's say 1/4 c.  

5. Cube your cream cheese and lightly mix in. Now, some recipes call for a finer cheese, but mine is wallet savvy. For calorie complainers, you can use finely shredded mozzarella. 

6. Salt and pepper to taste.

Cover and set in frig for 30 minutes (Unless you can't wait that long and read below).

7. Toast some baguette slices on a grill or in a toaster or conventional oven.

8. Load your slices and EAT!

[Side note] Bruschetta varies depending on who makes it. It's really up to you and what you like. I've seen it with corn, yellow peppers, and cut up avocado. Various recipes can be found online. I just like mine because it takes zero effort. 

Quotable quotes.

"Never confuse the size of your paycheck with the size of your talent."~ Marlon Brando

Oh You Fancy Huh?

Today I'm going to wear fake eyelashes. My eyelashes are pretty ballin' as is, but fakies make them look photoshopped and extra fancy. Speaking of fancy, I was in a knife fight this weekend. Just kidding. I fell through a ladder but a physical altercation sounds way better. Maybe my large eyelashes will distract men from the unsightly gashes on my legs. 

 

They're Full!

Who's excited about the weekend? This girl.

Tomorrow night one of my University buddies may drive through my part of town and that would make me terribly happy to see him. He is one of my most favorite people and I miss seeing him on the daily. 

But wait, the weekend is just getting started! On Friday Ginge is coming to stay at mi casa and I haven't seen her in forever + a minute. I like her and we always have good conversations about whatever pops up. 

I truly miss college. I never thought I would say that because my University was in the tiniest circle of Hell and I thought (almost) everyone there was totally bonkers. Now I realize how much fun it was and how much I liked it. Because even though it was odd and filled with even stranger people, I think I somehow made a place for myself. And I miss all those weirdos.  

[ Side note: Can you believe there are two of these walking around? Bananas.]

 

Froken Salander

Happy Tuesday! Well, I'm happy because today is my day off. 


Breakfast Juice: 1 beet, a handful of strawberries, 3 Fuji apples (and half a pint of toffee carmel icecream). Sugar overload.


During the summer season, I try to read as many books as I can get my hands on. I feel that I've slacked a little.


1. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson. Everyone and their mother read this book last summer. And to my delight, it is as good as people claimed. 


2. Second Glance by Jodi Picoult. Disappointed in this one. The last four books I've read by her I enjoyed, this one not so much.

3. A Discovery of Witches by Deborah E. Harkness. It's like Twilight, but smartly written with well-developed characters and an interesting plot. In essence, what Stephanie Meyer wishes she had written. 


4. Bossy Pants by Tina Fey. Honestly I haven't finished this one. It didn't catch my attention the way I thought it would.


5. City of Fallen Angels by Cassandra Clare. This is the fourth in a series. Don't bother reading it if you haven't read the first 3.


6. Vegan Freak by Bob and Jenna Torres. I love eating animals: steak, ribs, roasted chickens, ect. However, I'm also curious about the whole Vegan movement that seems so popular in Hollywood and environmental hipsters.

7. House Rules by Jodi Picoult. Excellent read for the summer. I especially loved this story because one of the main characters is a teen with Autism.

8. The Help by Kathryn Stockett. I would suggest reading this before the hits theaters this Fall. For whatever reason, I enjoy novel set around the 1960s.  

Thank God

It's the weekend.

Have you juiced today? It's the best way to start a meaningful evening. It's very simple and less expensive than getting wasted in a seedy bar. 
First- Buy a juicer
Second- Juice Fuji apples, watermelon, a peeled lemon, and possibly something else really yummy.
Third- Pour concoction over ice and use a colorful straw. 
*You'll feel good and you won't have a hangover the next day!

True That.

This weekend has been a nice break from all things related to reality. I got to see one of my best friends and ate homemade onion soup. It was superb and I dare say I ate enough to feed a small country. Together we saw part II of the Deathly Hallows. I totally teared up when Dobby died even though I knew it was coming. I probably would have sobbed had I not been in a public setting. Yesterday I went to a Bridal convention with my newly engaged cousin. Then for dinner me and the fam ate at this little place down on the river. Besides the scorching heat, a perfectly perfect time. 


Earlier this weekend, I had an interesting conversation with a friend. It makes me look at what it means to be a true friend. I question some of my friendships and the sincerity of them. It seems like my generation in particular struggles with the ability to develop close, meaningful connections. 


"A friend is someone you can vent to and you know it won't go any further. A friend is someone you can hang out with and never share a cross word. A friend is someone who, with a reasonable explanation, would help you bury a dead body." - My father.

The Deathly Hallows

Going to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II tonight! Ah! Geeking out and dressing up! What the what!?! 


Friends make fun of me because I am a Potterhead but I really think the story has excellent themes for daily living. 

Bare.

Life is about loving simple things. What could be more simple than skinny dipping? I love it. We have a fenced in pool and late at night, shrouded in total darkness, I can be found in my birthday suit smoking a cigarette. Some people are totally horrified by this and I point out that everyone is naked under their bathing costumes. I recommend skinny dipping to everyone if you want to live a full life.

Cease to begin.

I got a new job which is overwhelming and exciting. It's not the job I was going for, but it will do for now. I'm not a perfectionist, but when it comes to working- I have to be the best. I get incredibly offended when someone questions my work ethic. It's one of my buttons. This new job is a great stepping stone, but I'm going to keep job searching. 


My grandpa is being moved to an Alzheimer's facility eight hours away from my home. I haven't thought about it because breaks my heart. I am a grandpa's girl and for the past six years I've watched his mind slowly go. I always great him with, "Hey Handsome!" and he replies with, "Hey Bebe!". But now it's not like that. I've been applying to jobs near where he would be. I don't want him to be forgotten. 

  

I Love My [ ].

 I love my freckles. I have a big one on my nose that I think gives me character. When I first got it my cousin tried to pick it off claiming it was chocolate from the cookies we were eating. False. I like them and they like me. During summer, they come out in full force and cover my shoulders.

 I love my forehead. It's more like a fivehead. I'm like a white Tyra Banks. I think it's regal and impressive. How many people can say they can balance a plate of food on their forehead? Not many, but this girl can! 

 I love my smile. Men sometimes stutter when I smile at them and I like that. It's kind of like a deer in headlight sort of moment. It temporarily confuses them and I can see the gears working as they try to think of something clever to say so I keep smiling.

 All of the things above might be false. Friends might read this and scoff. However, does anyone's opinion really matter concerning how we view ourselves? Nope. I could name all the things I don't like about myself but what good would that do? If you're having a bad body moment (as we all do), do this exercise. And then do it again and again until the negative thoughts go away. Beauty has many faces. 

Mrs. X

Another wedding. Another great time. I like going to weddings but I don't get emotional about them. It's happy, why cry?


Anyway, it has me thinking about the future. And I'm so excited to find someone to love. Not in that crazy way that some girls get themselves into. Not like the frantic, worrying, I must find a mate this month sort of way. I just see the happiness my friends have and get excited about maybe having something like that someday. 

 

12345

My smart friend told me that every once in a while you should sit down and count your blessings of the day. 

1. My bestie got married this weekend to one of the best guys I know.

2. My maid of honor speech rocked.

3. Yesterday I had a fun day with friends at a rock quarry.

4. Work was canceled tomorrow so I can spend the whole day applying for jobs.

5. My freckles are out in full force because of the summer sun.

 

Cuddly Candy Panda.

A Few Thoughts for the Troubled Mind.

I keep the telephone of my mind open to peace, harmony, health, love and abundance.  Then, whenever doubt, anxiety or fear try to call me, they keep getting a busy signal - and soon they'll forget my number.  ~Edith Armstrong


Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen.  Keep in the sunlight.  ~Benjamin Franklin


Real difficulties can be overcome, it is only the imaginary ones that are unconquerable.  ~Theodore N. Vail

Confessional

1. I hate horses. I always have. For all the times my little friends would wistfully speak about receiving a pony on their birthdays, I was the one making glue factory jokes under my breath. And a pony for your birthday? Puh-leaze. Lame.  

It's a Rash!

I have a final interview on Tuesday with the only school that has given me the time of day since I sent out resumes. It will be a faculty interview with four other members who work for this particular school.


I really want this.


I also really want to trust God with this decision. That is a little tricky. I have a phobia that God hates me. I've never done anything worth being hated for, but it's a childhood fear that continues to manifest itself in my adult life. I perceive God has this giant man siting in the sky waiting to step on me. It's a totally unrealistic fear that should probably be addressed by a therapist or religious life coach. It's very difficult to trust in a being you believe wants to smite you.


That being said, I guess that's why I'm more of a realist than my friends care for; A glass half empty type of person, which is entirely awful since I despise individuals like that. I told myself that I would start memorizing scripture that would repel this type of thinking. Let's see if I can find one...


Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." 


Perfect. 

  

A Swelling Balloon

I don't get headaches very often. Practically never. However, this morning I woke up with one. It feels like there is a balloon behind my right eye that is slowly inflating and deflating. 

It should also be noted that I am on vacation and the presence of said headache is decreasing the Fun Factor. There's a cute French family outside my balcony playing in the ocean. Their daughter is the picture of Parisian heritage with her blonde hair and fashionable swimwear. The daughter, age 4-5, is strutting around the sand as if she's the queen. I like watching them because they are very cute and very European. 


The beach is the best place to people watch. Everyone is very relaxed and time is never an issue.  

For the love of the Sun

If I lived near the ocean, I would want for nothing. 

12:30 + Me + Shel Silverstein

Update: The interview went well and I made it to round 2. In this round I have to teach a twenty minute lesson in Language Arts to a classroom of live fourth graders while the principle watches. I'm not intimidated by the teaching because I KNOW I can teach. I'm nervous about the documentation of the lesson. Since I earned my degree out of my home state, I'm not familiar with the education format and guidelines. I'm praying the principle mostly pays attention to how I interact with children and less about my paperwork. I'm going to do a lesson about Shel Silverstein and cross my fingers. 

 

The Avocado Welcomes You

My friends tease me because I love peculiar things. For example, I like taking avocados with me to eateries. I just think most foods can be complimented by slices of avocado: hamburgers, all sandwiches, potatoes chips ect. Restaurants charge you for slices of avocado or worse, they don't even have them! I encourage everyone to accessorize with a healthy avocado.

 

Now Freak Out and Panic.

It would be nice if American audiences truly believed in the beauty of curvy women. 

Interview tomorrow.

I have an interview tomorrow at 8:30. Everyone pray for me. I want this job.

Itchy Eyes

 When the world says, "Give up,"

Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown

Spencer, You Found Me

From Light to Dark

When I started my education in 2006, I had no idea there would be so few opportunities in 2011. I've been avoiding reading the newspapers for months now because I prefer to remain oblivious to the job crisis. However, this morning the front page was all about the budget cuts for schools. 


I read the article. Mistake. 
Every surrounding school system is making huge cuts. It's across the country, but it's no less unsettling. I applied to a school on Friday and read in this article that the school I applied to is not only cutting X amount of jobs, but they are also not hiring anymore faculty for the 2012 school year.


What the what?! 


However, I can't worry about this. Or that. If I start thinking in the negatives, I'll think myself into a hole. The world tells you they're aren't possibilities, but there are. It's about creating them yourself and keeping your eyes open. I might not get a job for the Fall. That is a reality, but I must maintain a sense of hope for the future. If I don't, I will become a sorry mess of a human.

Today I was feeling scared of my potential

 "Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it."- Bill Cosby

Happy Easter

Let the Battle Begin

I find this to be 100% true but sometimes difficult to remember.

Midnight Phone Conversations

My dreams for my future are so bright. I'm scared I won't have the courage to chase them.

Bridezilla vs. the Average Human.

If I'm invited to a wedding and accept, but then later find out that neither the bride nor the groom actually want me to attend, do I still go? It puts me in a strange position. Was I invited out of guilt? What have I don that's so offensive? I've never had any inappropriate relations with the groom and to my memory, I cannot remember offending the bride. Weddings are like soap operas, I swear.

All Girls have Claws

 

What the What?

Today was just disappointing. I ate too much and swam around in a giant pool of self-pity. 

On the upside, I'm watching this Irish movie called Ondine starring the very handsome and badly broken Colin Farrel. Yum. 

Limitless

Dressed in Golden Thread

I have been doing a little bit of everything lately. This past weekend I turned 23 which is insane. Every birthday I am surprised I made it another year since I fully expected to be dead by now. Happy Birthday!

I am going on a not-date with a man-child. I told him I don't date which is mostly true. The other truth is that I'm scared of intimacy and create illogical reasons as to why a person wouldn't want to date me. It's really self-centered and arrogant to assume my level of inadequacy is so great that I am planes below everyone else.  I honestly believe I would be the greatest girlfriend if I just made the leap and stopped being so neurotic. I just think too much. 

Tomorrow I have a subbing interview with the principle of the elementary school I attended. Cross my fingers. This afternoon I've been working on an ePortfolio to impress potential school systems.

I'm also reading this great book called The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. I think my biggest misstep in my faith is that I cannot accept the concept of "grace". While I hear sermons about grace through faith, I cannot believe that Jesus would give me the gift of salvation for free. I believe a lot of my spiritual scars would be lifted if I could get over this hurdle. Well see how the rest of the book reads. 

 

Jason, we need more coffee

This weekend I visit my grandparents for my grandmother's 80th birthday. Her four children + one granddaughter (Moi) surprised her at this B&B near their house. Usually family gatherings make me nervous and grouchy because everyone uses yelling and broad hand gestures as a form of communication. However, this event was particularly enjoyable. My aunt and uncle invited me to move to North Carolina to pursue job leads down there. I like this idea. 

Furthermore, my granddad was able to see his children without the loud noises of a restaurant. My granddad used to be a brilliant engineer, essentially you can thank him for inventing the seatbelts in your car. Dementia has whittled away at his brain the last six years and now he can't remember anything from the past or present. Sometimes he looks like his old self and says non-crazy things. I was looking at old photos of him and very much wanted the man in the pictures back.

A Case of the Grumpy Mondays

Yesterday I had a bad case of the grumpy Mondays. Today I found out that my very old car will need almost one thousand dollars in repairs. I blame my father because he insisted I take it to the repair shop down the road. Had I ignored his request, I would never know my car needed fixing [until I was stranded on the side of the road accepting help from my would-be-future killer].

List of Things I Intend to Do Before the Day is Over.

[ ] Fold laundry in dryer/ Do laundry for tomorrow

[ ] Create subbing account

[ ] Go to store to buy important things

[ ] Pick up house

[ ] Ignore box of frozen Girl Scout cookies in freezer

[ ] P90X Workout DVD

[ ] Catch up on previous episodes of the Vampire Diaries

It's already six o'clock. Let's shoot for 2/7.

Google: Kate Wilson

Says Abraham Lincoln.

"The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time." 

Image found at:http://doreese.tumblr.com/page/17

Pants are Always Optional.

The last two days have been very productive. I inquired to three more school districts about subbing. I took in some final paperwork to my local school system. I also managed to devour an entire avocado by myself. I am successful!

Let's talk about love. I have three friends getting married this summer. Last summer I had two friends get hitched. I think taking the leap into marriage is wonderful if you're prepared for it. However, I don't think many people are. I think couples focus on the wedding more so than the big picture. The big picture means forever. Everyone gets a different love story. Sometimes they end well and sometimes they don't. Since mine has yet to begin, I would like to think it's going to be filled with a handsome, broad shouldered, foreigner. Daydreaming. But I would also settle for something else.[See Below] 

Found at: http://justonemoregoodbye.tumblr.com/

Let Them Eat Cake.

Between worrying about my future and cleaning up after sticky children, I have been given the great honor of being the MOH (Maid of Honor) for my best friend's wedding. Yesterday we had a cake testing with a very popular (and outrageously expensive) bakery. Fun fact: Cake testings are free.

My favorite was the gooey chocolate fudgy delight with raspberry filling. I was willing to bathe in the whipped goodness between the layers of cake. However, wedding cake is not going to help me fit into the bridesmaid's dress hanging in my closet. At this point there's too much filling for me to wear the stupid thing.

  Find image here: http://sexxtape.tumblr.com/post/448531957

One Day You Will Be Loved

I like music. I'm fairly certain everyone does. I know a married couple who, before they puts rings on each other, made playlists for each other. Tons and tons of CD's full of lovely, bold, crafty tunes. One day I would like to have someone to give a playlist too. Because alot of times you don't have the right words to tell someone how they make you feel. Sometimes those words get stuck in our throats or our tongues swell up as we try to say them outloud.  

A Special Playlist for You-Who-Is-Not Known

1. I and Love and You by The Avett Brothers
2. Cosmic Love by Florence+ The Machine
3. Swept Away by The Avett Brothers
4. Better than Nothing by Sarah Jaffe
5. Winter Winds by Mumford and Sons
6. Make You Feel My Love by Adele
7. Enchanted by Taylor Swift
8. The Girl by City and Colour
9. Save Me From Myself by Christina Aguilera
10. Blinded by Third Eye Blind


To Be Continued...

Ever feel Trapped in a Walnut?

Job lead kind of a bust. However, any lead is better than no lead.

Sidenote:

This is what I want to look like when I grow up. Brooklyn Decker is lovely. Interestingly enough, this is one of the few photos of her I was able to find with all her clothes on. She really likes bikinis